Wednesday
Babybro, what will happen when I leave you here. You are an adult now, but in my eyes you are still a kid. You still act like a kid. Babybro, I know it's hard to grow up and find yourself, and sometimes realizing you are someone else than the person you thought you were. Changing friends, school, deciding on your future, studying, practicing whatever martial art it is that you are doing. Babybro, don't hurry the process. It will work out, sooner or later. Don't force it. Face your conflicts, don't take more of them than you have to. Make the best out of your situation. Don't reach for the stars that you cannot see. Learn how to walk first. Babybro, I love you to pieces. Stop screwing things up, I get worried. I want to protect you, save you from the big monsters of the grown up world. I cannot do that on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean, so I will have to trust your judgment to do the right thing. I will never be disappointed. Please, calm down and it will all work out for the best.
Love
Your big Sister
Monday
It struck me hard, harder than I thought. I do realize that the blow will be even harder when I arrive in MN again in about three weeks.
I have worked a lot the past two months. In the beginning, I saw it as a way to earn money and getting some experience with having a real job. Working with home care service is not only a real job, it is a tough one too. My salary in USD will be considered pretty good, but here in Sweden it is a low income job with a high price to pay for it. This weekend I worked 23 hours, which means that I was on my feet for 23 hours helping people in their homes with things they cannot do for themselves. The heaviest things I guess would be taking care of when people forgot or didn't feel that they needed to go to the bathroom. Showering people that cannot stand properly was also pretty hard, physically at least. Physically, it was draining over all. I have been sleeping so well the past months, as exhaustion is the only word that can describe my condition when I got home from work. Maybe it wasn't all physical, some things were psychological too.
All the lonely widows, the people with dementia and other disorders that I talked to taught me a lot. It actually took me a while to realize how human they were, and how much they liked having me there to help them. I guess it was even worse with people that were mentally well but their bodies had given up on them, meaning that they were trapped in their own bodies. Of course that breaks you down, how could it do something else?
I liked working. I liked talking with people and making them smile. Sometimes I was the only human contact they would get throughout the day.
When I said goodbye yesterday, some got pretty sentimental. One man told me that he always longed for my visits, then he took his accordion and played me a song. He looked sad, but I assured him I would be back next year again. Another woman said that it was a long time since she met someone that had given her so much hope. I almost started crying. Another lady gave me candy, and said she hoped to be alive one more year to see me again. A couple that I visited said that it didn't matter if I worked there, I could come and visit them anyhow as it is so nice to see me.
The lady I visited the most asked me why I didn't start working there, and then she said that she never got a daughter herself, and that she is so glad that I and the other girls come to her, that we are her daughters. Then, she gave me chocolate and a kiss on the cheek.
I liked my work. I think I learned a lot from it, it is a perfect way of showing the Swedish communal mentality. It is a part of the beauty of our welfare system. I am proud over changing their diapers and cleaning their mess, I did something that has an impact on peoples lives, and I did it good.