Thursday
Tried to recall that feeling I had when I was younger. It feels like my emotions were much more vivid back then. I remember Fridays, my mom finished work early so she was home so I got home straight after school. Normally she had cleaned the house and made fika for when I returned. I had to walk 200 meters, but I ran most of the time, walking was too time consuming. I got home, and smelled the newly made coffee. I was so happy. I ran in, told her about something such as how there was a monster in the woods behind the school and how someone saw it today and freaked out the rest of the kids. She would smile and ask if I'd seen it. Of course I had not seen it. It turned out to be a sheep dog that had decided to run away from a neighbouring farm, but I did not dare to be in the woods alone.
I remember the first guy I had feelings for. I looked back in my old diaries and dang, I was obsessed. He was a very pretty boy, a bit messy, but in general nice. We got together after some time and held hands and all those other cute things that kids do when they are together at a young age. It was all a mess. But I was so sure I was gonna marry him and move to his farm. We stayed together on and off for four years, then I grew up and grew away from the rest of the farmers.
I live on the countryside, it is very pretty and idyllic, and gossip grows on the fields together with the rest of the crops, but it certainly did not get harvested together. I didn't fit in here. I was interested in debating, I was smart. I knew stuff and I wanted to do new things. I could not succumb to this lifestyle. I changed school. My previous classmates that I had shared the classroom with for seven years stopped talking to me. When I meet them on the bus today, they might nod at me but most of them will just pass me. If I lost something? No, I don't think so. I could never be like them. I could never stand having tractors as the main topic of a conversation. I wanted more. I did definitely expand my horizons. I have seen a lot and talked to people with such amazing stories.
There is something that I do miss from that time though, a solid point. Something, or someone, to rely on. I keep moving around, never stay long enough to develop something deep, I am too restless. I feel rootless, guess that is a part of growing up, but at the moment in would be nice with some safety.
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Postat av: Viktor (grannen)
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