Thursday
Sitting here in my cold room, thinking about what on earth I am doing with my life. I don't even have a goal. I don't know what it is that I am striving for. Do I want to get rich? Not really, I don't see that far. I wanna make something work better than it does today. I wanna practice what I preach. As if anyone ever does that. It is so easy to have values and morals, but to life after them is so much harder. I wish I was carbon-neutral, and I am openly concerned about the way we treat the environment.. Guess who just flew to Sweden from the US and will fly back there again very soon? I feel like such a hypocrite. Should I blame it on the reason of me trying to be close to my family? I guess so. But to be honest, when I bought those tickets, I didn't spend a second thinking about the environment, rather I thought about how much it would cost and how I could compensate and make ends meet.
I think I am on my way of becoming very idealistic. I actually thought about love today. Maybe I should let go a bit and not be so scared of it. I guess most of us are scared. Scared of being rejected, of being vulnerable. But even when I am assured of some kind of safety, I still rather keep my feelings to myself. I do have a tendency for liking people that I know I will never have to show feelings for. Either because they are out of reach or some other odd reason. Isolation on purpose? You see, I am getting all pathetic.
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