Wednesday
Cold, but am not complaining. I wanted to jog, but the temperature outside failed to accommodate that so I stayed inside, doing Sudoku and talked to friends. A newfound friend of mine, found a flaw that I have not really recognized until now. I have realised that I occasionally intimidate people, and it has been rather difficult to find out why. First I thought it is because am foreign, and people think that I know more than I do and hence, treats me different. Then I thought that it might be because am determined, and it can be sort of difficult and intimidating to talk and discuss with someone who got pretty firm believes. Then a friend told me a couple o days ago that it might be because I am confident, however that seems a bit silly. Then today another friend said that maybe it is because your attitude towards America. It is so true. I do not have a particularly polite way of talking about America, and if you are a native of this country, I guess it must be rather hard to hear someone else always go on about how much better my country takes care of issues.
At the same time, I feel like I do that as some kind of defense. I am always referred to as being from Sweden. Sure I am from Sweden but I think that I am so much more than that. I am not a walking cultural representative of my country, I have other things to contribute with as well. Being introduced to people as " This is Amelie, she is from Sweden" rather makes me feel like I am an exotic toy on your shelf, which might make you look better in front of your friends, but it labels me. I become the Swede. I wanna be more than than. I wanna be your friend, someone that you want to talk to because what I say make you feel good, I want to be someone that you respect, not just a walking stereotype. I want to be a part of your conversation too, not someone you consult when you want the "European view" on the issue. I want to be involved.
Is it possible to love someone who's culture you are not familiar with? During this break I have tried to see who meant what they said and to whom I had the purpose of an exotic accessory. The Swedish friend became an ornament placed in the Christmas tree, and will be remembered again when it is taken down after the break. Culturally, that is not acceptable to me. I cannot believe that it would be to you either.
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