Friday
I am getting scared of growing older. Of some reason it seems less appealing now after helping people that are complete vegetables. There is nothing that they can do on their own and I just keep on wondering what they are living for. I wish I could here their stories, know what they come from. I want to learn what makes them happy and what makes them sad. Their hobbies and who they were before I started changing their diapers and wiping their faces. There are so many stories that are left untold. Just recently I discovered an important story about my other grandfather. He has always been very careful about pulling out the plug to all electrical devices in the home when going to bed or going outside. I found this behavior weird when I was young, but got used to it. I had heard some stores about him getting scared when the lightening struck once, but no more details. But it goes deeper than that. My father didn't know anything either, more than that his heart became "weak" when the lightening hit the cottage at their country house. In fact, none of us knew anything about why he was so prone to disconnect all electrical devices every day until quite recently.
When my grandfather was young, around fourth grade, he was working in the barn when the lightening struck. It hit the barn badly and my grandfather was thrown out by the pressure. It started burning and my grandfather couldn't be found anywhere. First, of course, they thought he had got stuck in the barn however, later they found him walking around the neighborhood all disoriented. From that day on, he didn't speak a word. He stopped communicating for a year and had to go through fourth grade again. After a year, he started speaking again and ever since he has been afraid of lightening and done all there was in his power to prevent it from striking close to him again. After knowing this, his behavior made a lot more sense.
Getting old might not be that bad, it is just that I don't want to be a burden for anyone else. At the same time as it feels so distant but also like I need to hurry. So many people in my surrounding are starting to settle and get comfortable. I am not even close to settling down. Sometimes I wonder if I ever will be able to be satisfied with what I got.
Kommentarer
Postat av: krille
jag har en personlig lösning på "grönsaksproblemet" dock får den inte användas förrän jag börjar bli krasslig :D den involverar:
Mig (såklart)
en sportbil (modell dyrare)
och en stenvägg =)...now you do the math ;)
Postat av: Janne
Skillnad på att leva, ha ett liv och att överleva... Att ligga i en säng och stirra i taket är att vara vid liv, men lever man?
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