Thursday
It is still there, that unfamiliar feeling. I don't know what it is or how to deal with it. I am distancing myself from whatever it is. I cannot eat without feeling nauseous, cannot sleep properly.
To my fortune, I have some really great friends and family. Eddie saved me big time when I got to hear about the accident. He picked me up and brought me with him home. He held me so that I would stop shaking, he tucked me in and hugged me, trying to create the comfort needed to fall asleep. Without him, the nervous breakdown would have been a fact. Been talking to Sofia a lot, and my sister. My grandmother too, they all show empathy but are letting me deal with it my way.
In a sense, I have no idea that he is gone yet. Alex was not a part of my Swedish life. He was a part of my life at Macalester. I am fearing the day when I will enter the classroom where I know he should have been and not seeing him there. I feel selfish in a way. Grief is selfish. But at the moment, I have no idea what else to do than to share my thoughts with the world. There are so many of them.. I wish I had one of those things that Dumbledore has, where he extracts his thoughts so that he doesn't have to have them flying around in his head.
My thoughts are still with Alex near and dear ones, I wish you all strength in this difficult time.
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