Wednesday, Dear Friend
Yesterday I lost my breath, and I haven't found a way to catch it yet. Yesterday, I got to know that a very dear friend of mine has passed away.
The first time I listened to him talk, he talked too fast for me to understand. I thought he looked a bit like the bees in Donald Duck, he blushed when he spoke in front of the class, and he used words that were beyond my understanding. As I had so many classes with him, it was inevitable not to speak with him. He had such a different way of viewing the world than I had. He kept on telling me that the ultimate model for a state would be to be as Finland.. Not that intelligent to tell a Swede such a thing, but he kept on arguing for his cause and he had done his homework. He claimed to be a socialist, we had many beautiful discussions over different issues, and he always surprised me with his approach - it wasn't hyped or too idealistic. It felt a bit naive of course, but it was true.
We had study sessions in his room, we usually sat down for a while and went through notes together and then we talked. He told me about his family, especially about his brother. He showed pictures and he really wanted me to meet his dog, while I wanted him to meet my sister.
I had bad days, he always made me feel better about myself. He didn't like working in Café Mac, as it was degrading and he resented the cap they had to wear. I used to sit and stare at him and then go and compliment his beauty.
His nasal voice, the freckles, the curious brown eyes. Messy brown hair, the accent, the slang..
I cannot close my eyes without seeing him, I hear his laughter in my head. There are so many beautiful memories, and so much happiness that I have shared with you; you were a big part of my life at Macalester, and now I am supposed to understand that you will not be there when I get back. I have not grasped it yet, not at all.
My body is shaking, I cannot eat nor sleep. I cannot cry, as I haven't realized that you are gone.
Alex Willis, my heart beats for you. I will miss you so darn much. Thank you for all the beauty you added to my life
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