Thursday - Carolyn McBride
I am not a person that cries, that enjoys drama, or creates too much of it either. I can be rather difficult to be around due to my capacity of talking before thinking. Some things I guess should be remain unsaid, but I am not that good at that. If someone asks for an opinion I will share mine. Most of the time, not always. Being my friend is something that I would call challenging. I wish that I could express more feelings when it comes to the people that are close to me. There is a lot of baggage to me, like it is to most people.
Moving to another country, on the other side of the world can be rather challenging. It was for sure a cultural shock. I recognized some of it, but the adjustments that I had to made were huge. Starting up a new life takes time. It also took some time until I found you, Coraline. Carolyn McBride is the most beautiful being on this entire earth. I am not saying that because she is my friend, I thought so way before we became close friends. Her face is divine, and so photogenic. I must say that I sometimes feel a bit awkward being in the same picture as she, as I feel like I am ruining it. Carolyn McBride is no drama. Carolyn McBride will host me in her room when I cannot go back to my apartment. She will feed me and medicate me if I need to. She would look at me for an hour changing clothes if I wanted her to. Carolyn McBride is independence, love and caring. She is ok with me being weird and antisocial, doesn't take offense when I have my moments. She visits me when I need her. She compliments me when I need it the most, and when I don't need it at all. Carolyn McBride is a confidence boost that I don't know if I would ever want to be without again. She is support, logic and appreciation. She is a million nicknames.
We took our time, getting to know each other. Now I know you, and you know me. I feel safe, which I rarely do. I now I am writing this, as I don't know in what other way I would be able to tell you how much you mean to me. In my American life, you are my rock. That's it. My love for you is pure and true.
Tuesday
20% of my population didn't vote. The different nazi parties kept their mandates in the municipalities and in some cases increased it. A right wing populist party gained 20 seats in parliament. They are now tie breakers. True, they will not get more power than the other parties are willing to give them, but this shows a mentality I did not expect from my fellow Swedes. Since when do we consider immigration being one of the biggest threats to our society? Guess what, we cannot do without it. We need it. IT IS ILLEGAL TO KEEP STATISTICS OF ETHNICITY OF CRIMINALS, hence no one knows the percentage of immigrants in our prisons. Besides, that is already a weak argument. I just don't understand this, choosing the easy solution, discriminating against a group that needs our support.
Swedes, you are citizens of a country that is rich and tolerant, that is built upon diversity. You can afford some utilitarianism.
I hope the 5.7% of our population that voted for a party that claim that if you believe in Islam, you cannot become Swedish realize that this is outrageous and wrong.. Stop acting like uneducated extremists. I am ashamed. This is not a sign of growing patriotism, it is a sign of intolerance and fear. Weakness that is.
Swedes, you are citizens of a country that is rich and tolerant, that is built upon diversity. You can afford some utilitarianism.
I hope the 5.7% of our population that voted for a party that claim that if you believe in Islam, you cannot become Swedish realize that this is outrageous and wrong.. Stop acting like uneducated extremists. I am ashamed. This is not a sign of growing patriotism, it is a sign of intolerance and fear. Weakness that is.
Thursday - I am tired of SD
Election day on Sunday. I am nervous. Really nervous. I felt that it is about time that I comment on the election. I guess it is not that much of a deal if the party, or parties, that I voted for win or not. What has been striking me throughout this whole campaign is the lack of knowledge among the population. The politicians can make up statistics and get away with it without anyone questioning them.
Though what scares me the most are the Swedish Democrats. This is a former racist party that in one sense have abandoned their old standards, but there are hints of them everywhere in their program. The people that vote for this party are mainly men with lower education. People that believe that we spend more than 50 billion SKr on immigrants, that think that all immigrants live on the social welfare instead of getting jobs, that honestly believes that immigrants commit most of the crimes. They want to preserve the Swedish culture, and the family.
This is not the reality. This is not the way Sweden looks like. I don't understand how people can actually think like this. Trying to find an easy solution to the financial problems? Guess what, there is none..
Immigration, due to Sweden not having any kind of assimilation policy, cannot be that expensive. Maximum 1 billion SKr, which I guess would translate to 130 million USD. If looking at a budget of a country, that is not a huge expense. Social welfare, something that is well needed in fiscal crisis. It is a known fact that it is harder to get employed in Sweden with a last name that sounds foreign (read: middle eastern). I strongly oppose the idea that immigrants should be less prone to work than Swedes. That is not our reality.
Imagine the single parents instead with many kids. There you will have people that are in need of Social welfare, even if they have jobs.
Sweden is communal, we have a welfare system. For that to work, we need people and companies to pay taxes. What do you think would be more expensive for the system, physical abuse or not paying your taxes correctly? Any kind of larger fraud against the State is something that will decrease our welfare. I want to believe that we have some kind of utilitarianism left in our minds. Meaning don't do what is best for me or for you, but for all of us. If this does not suit you, then leave so that the tax payers don't have to take care of your medical bills. (Note: the people that try to avoid paying taxes are normally not the people with low income as they cannot trick the system. For this to work you will need to either have your own company or some other way of getting lower tax on your income)
Basically, immigrants are not parasitizing on our system at all in comparison to the Swedes.
It is not bad to pay taxes, without them there is no way that the welfare system would ever be able to work. I don't think anyone thinks that it is in the people's best interest to decrease our welfare. Because that would be dumb. We cannot keep our high standard of living if we decrease taxes. That equation is not balanced.
Please, vote responsibly on Sunday, meaning vote for a party that know what a budget is, hence not the Swedish Democrats. I don't want to be ashamed over my country. Thanks
Sunday
Sunday evening, my least favorite part of the week. Sitting in my room listening to Pink Floyd and drinking tea. It sounds cozy, but I just want it to end. I want to fall asleep and wake up tomorrow with the sun in my face and go for a heavy work out. Forget about life for a while, get my thoughts off your death for some time. I tried yesterday to drink more than I should. It ended up in catastrophe so I don't think I will do that again. From now on I will do music therapy and work out to get my mind off things. I hope that will work better.
I will also try to get out of the apartment. It is difficult, as I feel so comfortable here. It is actually becoming a home. The decorations are soon all up on the wall.
I watched my first game of American football yesterday. It was definitely an experience. But I didn't get everything. I wished I could have had some kind of remote control to pause the game occasionally and rewind when I needed to understand what was going on out there. There is a game next Saturday too, I will drag someone with me to that and hopefully it will explain even more.
Tomorrow I will see if I can find myself a jazz combo to sing with. It would be pretty awesome if there was one. I want to sing still, but I need a different platform than choir. I feel like I cannot use my potential within choir. Now I am rambling. Now I shall sleep.
Tuesday
I am sitting in the couch in my new living room. The view from here is over Grand Avenue, not the most flattering one but it is a view, there are real windows. In my previous room there was nothing to be called a view, as the windows were not more than a feet wide and two giant beds covered them. Now I have natural light, an open kitchen and a room with three windows. One problem, that isn't really a problem, is that one of the windows looks at on Ramsey Junior High, meaning that I guess I will have to be a bit careful with nudity. Oh well, that is not really a big deal.
I was a bit hesitant about returning to the States.. Mainly as I always manage to grow way too fond of Sweden when I am there. It agonizes me to leave people behind. This is the fourth time, and it hurts just as much to see the sadness in their eyes. I know that life will go on as normal without me, but I keep on wondering what chances I am missing by not being there. My sister changes so fast, I can almost not keep up with her. Guess that is a part of being a teenager, though I would love to be able to follow her every move.
Meeting all my friends here was amazing. There are still some people that I have yet to meet, but so far I have been enjoying myself. I visited my host family yesterday and had brunch. They showed me pictures from their trip to Scandinavia and my old school. My old school.. I don't know if I will ever go back, but when I saw those pictures it made me want to see it once more. Though there is nothing left for me there. I don't know anyone at the school and my teachers are not there any longer. Or, some are but the ones that meant the most for me are not.
I am listening to my flat mates alarms now, soon the apartment will be alive again.